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Out of water...

2011-12-28T11:08:00.003+08:00

Its not easy succumbing to defeat. Like fish out of water, realising and admitting that it will drown in air are two different emotions.

There comes a time when you are no longer required. Your presence becomes a burden, your offerings merely annoyances. To be acknowledged but not accepted. Perhaps.....

Status Update

2011-11-19T07:32:00.006+08:00

Soon enough the title of this blog will need to be changed to turn 50. Time brings a lot of change. Quite a few have told me such. I have done things that I have never or do not like doing. A dear friend whom I always considered as an equivalent was assumed to be either my son or son-in-law. My appearance have changed, my outlook and my behavior have changed though some more subtle than others.

I am now more expressive of my feelings, needing more attention and reassurance to the point that my dear wife is overwhelmed, I think. Yet she continues humoring my whims and fancies. At the same time, old and new characters coming within the circle continues to pull me in various directions. I begin to understand that passion, love, longing and all matters of the heart tend to multiply if added. There are no subtraction nor division. It seems to just grow, however, juggling is another matter. A skill that requires development to a fine art.

Physically, I am more active and need to be constantly on the move. Be it cycling, swimming or running. A few days of sedentary inactivity will lead to lethargic and mood swings. It feels great when I stay in the lead to those half my age, but then my motivation was something that they did not have. They were moving on youth and energy, I was moving on something else.

All said and done, statistically I have about 17 years left. I intend to give all that I could, because only so much that I could take with me when I leave. To those around me, to those who knew me and could accept me as I am. Use these remaining years that you have with me. I was given 13 years with my dear father-in-law. A man that I miss. Now its my turn to give, unless if I go earlier.... I say this because I love all of you, something that in me is intense and passionate that sometimes it hurts.

And that's me, getting seasick on a recent diving expedition. The first time I posted a picture of myself in this blog. I used to hate looking at pictures of myself, not anymore... Another change ?

Hmmm... ponderings...

2011-09-18T10:57:00.005+08:00

One of my recent favorite things, an orchestra of giant umbrellas. Transform. An amazing feat of engineering and technology linked to religion and spirituality. Alhamdulillah, I was blessed to have the opportunity to spend the first third of Ramadan in the holy land, the first day in Madinah and the rest in Mekah. The second half in Kuala Terengganu, a place which now seems to be for solitude, work and play. The final part was spent at home with my kids and family. Which led to a most unusual raya for me. That's another story.

As I sit here waiting for the next event to loom, my thoughts keep going back to recent events. Trying to recall and analyze. Time seems to have flown, it has actually....

The irony of it all. In the midst of many I feel alone and neglected. Not one but three yet none is here. Fancy being a loner yet suddenly can't stand being in solitude. That which should be sweet left a lingering bitterness. Do not question why, do not attempt understanding, just let be.

Am beginning to hate the notification sound from the SGSII because inevitably the message I was hoping for did not come in. Practicality and sensibility has gone. Patience morphed into anger and very soon sadness. There are just so much that can be done. Much more that can't, therein lies the poison in the arrow. Totally dislike not being in control. Dear God, renew my strength, patience and wisdom, please.

Sabar menanti...

2011-07-05T08:39:00.002+08:00

Tetiba terasa biru (suddenly I am feeling blue... )

Tak sabar rasanya untuk datang bertamu
Berteleku sujud memohon rahmatmu
Ingin mengadu dan merayu
Berkasih dan bermanja pada yang satu

Hanya kau yang tak pernah mengecewakan
Izinkan aku mengubat rindu
Hanya kau yang tak pernah menyakitkan
Izinkan aku melepas dendam

It never ends..

2011-06-28T07:23:00.003+08:00

It never ends does it ? The journey of deja-vu. Feels like, no, I know that I have been here before. Was tripped by the pothole before, yet here I am going through it and getting tripped by the same pothole again.

I always thought that with every journey, lessons are learnt, experiences gained and then we were supposed to move on to new journeys and new experiences. Yet the cycle keep repeating itself. Is it supposed to be this way ?

There once was a man whose gift is of understanding, able to understand and able to see what others fail to see. At first it was a gift then it turned to a curse. Because though he could understand he could never be either or. His understanding and his sight refused to let him choose, leaving him alone on the fence, only able to see but not be...

Have you ever felt that your investment does not yield the desired return ? Do you pull out or stay and hope that the tide will change ? Getting tired of efforts that does not provide reciprocal results. Perhaps I am just a bad investor...

Gotta go and cycle now.... ;-)

Pagi suram

2011-05-12T07:46:00.000+08:00

Ya Allah,
Dipagi yang suram ini
Tatkala bayu lembutmu menjatuhkan sekeping daun kering dibahu kananku
Tersentuh hati mengenang segala anugerahmu
Kesal rasa kerana tak cukup mensyukuri segala nikmatmu

Ampunkan aku Ya Allah kerana lalai dengan apa yang tidak ada
Asyik gundah memikirkan kekurangan dan ketidakcukupan
Sedang segala yang kau pinjamkan dan begitu banyak yang kau berikan
Apa dipinta semua kau kabulkan

Ampunkanlah aku Ya Allah
Ampunkanlah aku Ya Allah
Ampunkanlah aku Ya Allah

Before my eyes...

2011-04-25T09:16:00.003+08:00

Scenes that greet me every morning. Am so thankful to be blessed.

On the trail

2011-04-19T10:58:00.003+08:00

You were a friend of mine...

2011-04-11T10:51:00.005+08:00

Alan Parsons Project...

As far as my eyes can see

There are shadows approaching me

And to those I left behind

I wanted you to know

You’ve always shared my deepest thoughts

You follow where I go

And oh when I’m old and wise

Bitter words mean little to me

Autumn winds will blow right through me

And someday in the mist of time

When they asked me if I knew you

I’d smile and say you were a friend of mine

And the sadness would be lifted from my eyes

Oh when I’m old and wise....

Since yesterday when I heard the news from Blur who came back from half a world away, I am disturbed. The sadness and pain that I felt is incomparable to what Quzul is going through now. Multiple Sclerosis has taken away his faculties. Bed ridden and has just lost his sight. When I called him last night, he was asleep. His wife answered the phone and entertained my queries. God gave her strength.

This morning Quzul himself called me. His voice though week still bore traces of the mischievousness that we shared. I did not know what to say. How I wish I was by his side and could physically touch him. I am at loss for words. What comfort could I offer ? We learned to live together, we grew up and took different paths. Time and tide separated us as we followed our destiny. We heard about each other through the tongues of others.

I regretted not making the effort to seek him out all these years. But then, to all those who knew me, even if I did not call, text or write does not mean that I have let you go. I am merely letting you get on with your lives. I do not want to impose on you as our paths diverge. As long as I am still breathing, I will be here for you if and when you needed me.

Semoga Allah mempermudahkan dan memberi kekuatan dan ketenangan kepada Quzul dan keluarganya.

Doing the necessary...

2011-04-10T12:15:00.004+08:00

Captured on a recent camping trip to Pulau Perhentian Besar. Soothes the soul to see the young abide to the needs of their soul. Am proud to claim them as my kids...

Spinning...

2011-04-07T08:00:00.005+08:00

NT - when you say too much ...

ZX1 Dramatic Tones

2011-04-06T08:59:00.004+08:00

Bowling

2011-04-04T08:32:00.003+08:00

It has been so long and it shows.... ha ha ha.

First time...

2011-02-28T09:22:00.004+08:00

Two faceplant, the first due to overconfidence and the second due to technical incompetence. Am still nursing sore ribs, but will do it again ;)

Al Fatihah...

2010-08-29T09:07:00.002+08:00

Innalillah hi wa inna lillah hirra jiuunnn

Adik called and inform me that Mak Cik passed away early this morning. The first of 7 aunties on my mothers side. Semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat dan mengizinkan berkat ramadhan keatasnya. I will dearly miss her bahulu gulung....

Turtle challengers...

2010-08-10T12:59:00.004+08:00

From eggs to hatch-lings to adulthood...

A little voice...

2010-07-31T00:34:00.005+08:00

A little voice said to me, its time for you to go. Are you ready ? And I said "Is anyone ever ready ? No, I am not. My mother is still grieving over a lost child. Please spare her the agony."

Without a word nary a whisper, the little voice left me.

Dear;

I was deeply touched by your call. Truly, it was not my intention to raise alarm nor cause you concern. I was merely expressing a recent thought, an event which I do not want to forget. Fret not as I think the little voice speaks to all of us. Most do not want to listen or fail to listen due to life's distraction.

The kids, spouse, toys, cars, hobbies, activities took much effort leaving scarce resources for the individual. A Muslim prays five times a day. What exactly is he/she doing ? Reciting prayers while worrying about the day's work ? An atheist meditates, for what purpose ?

I do not want to babble. Just take care and find some time for yourself. Ponder your thoughts and maybe just maybe you can hear the little voice.

Foot Note: Guys, I have not gone nuts, not yet ;)

Den, aku ingat kat hangpa... II

2010-07-21T10:01:00.004+08:00

Durian bukit, fresh from the tree. In Den's hometown...

Al Fatihah...

2010-07-08T11:10:00.002+08:00

Even after a long grueling off road ride sleep did not come easily as it should. It came in fits, tossing and turning. At 0315hrs. the Nokia sang its tune. My heart sank. Calls in the wee hours is never good.

My wife informed me that a dear uncle passed away a couple hours ago after more than a month fighting cancer. Innalillah... semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan dia ditempatkan dengan orang-orang yang soleh. May he be blessed. Takziah to Zeti & Mak Cik sekeluarga. Semoga tabah dan redha.

Destinations

2010-07-03T17:54:00.005+08:00

Trundling along on two wheels in a peloton is the norm but if you look deeper it really is about being individualistic. We may be heading to the same spot yet our destinations will be diverse. You, your bike and the surroundings. Bliss on a different level.

Den, aku ingat kat hangpa...

2010-07-01T08:44:00.007+08:00

NT.

Turtles feel good

2010-06-13T19:47:00.012+08:00

Incubated and hatched under watch. Sadly, because of that chances are high that they will be all females as they require fluctuations in temperatures and ambient atmosphere for males to develop. Perhaps Abe Nizam can help be the male of the species heh heh

Good luck guys err gals, may the force be with you and lead you to safety...

Move it, move it, move it

2010-05-17T08:05:00.005+08:00

Monthly exercise, for most I think...

May god have mercy...

2010-05-16T14:06:00.011+08:00

You are arrogant. All this is because of your arrogance. That is what the mystic told me. Huh ?

Granted, I am the type who makes very bad first impression. Being an introvert lacking social skills does that. “I am arrogant to everyone, if anyone can’t accept that then keep - a w a y - why pretend to be a friend yet simmer in anger and go this far?”

The discovery came about because a colleague recommended that I seek alternative treatment for my legs. Perhaps they are tired of seeing me limping around the office yet manage to trundle on a mountain bike up and down hills and valleys with aplomb. The masseuse that we went to see turned out to be a middle aged unassuming guy. Not one you would associate as being someone knowledgeable in the mysterious arts of spirits and demons. He did not even let on that he is such a person. It was a day after the first session that he called and asked for an appointment. Odd, a care giver asking for an appointment with a patient when it should be the other way around. I said yes, thinking that maybe he felt that he did not do his job properly the first time. It was only after the second treatment that he told me the exact same thing that has been said by other ustazs and spiritual healers. Something that I find hard to neither accept nor believe. That it was sort of a voodoo curse put on me by someone very close, as close as my own sibling.

The main reason appears to be anger, envy and hurt because of my arrogance and ignorance. The aim seems to be so that I end up losing my mobility, ability to work and beg for help. To put me in my place. Huh ?

Therein lays my main weakness, thinking that everyone thinks just like me. Straightforward, sometimes blunt. Life is short after all and I am not one to beat around bushes. You like someone keep them close and around, if not then keep away. You like something keep it going; don’t like it, for god’s sake just say so. Yet, there are those who are not able to do that and prefer to simmer in anger, seeking vengeance instead. Perhaps for these types, it’s more fun that way.

As for me, I believe in a higher power, I leave it to him and pray for the best. If what all these people have been telling me is true, I sincerely hope that the person(s) responsible for my predicament see the light and start thinking of putting themselves in a proper place instead...

My main regret is not so much the physical pain, the cost and the time spent trying to find a cure but the fact that decades of building a relationship was gone simply because they can’t look me in the face and say “I don’t like what you have become”. At least the bridge will still be there and the door will remain open, maybe just maybe things could be worked out. Now, I am burning the bridge and closing the door.

To all my friends or whom I consider to be my friends, I beg of you, if there is something that is not right, words that may have hurt you [gods knows I have a sharp tongue...], actions or inactions that seems to be unpleasant to you. Please, please tell me. If you are uncomfortable in a face to face then email, sms or FB [woohooo finally got it], and we could work it out. In extreme cases just keep me away and I will stay away. Just don’t harbour a grudge as it will eat you alive.

There’s enough venting, now I want to go swimming...

BTW, disgusting pictures follows:

That is a 1 x 1 feet tile. Can you believe that the crap just dropped out of a six year old ? This was after many, many days of not being able to pass motion.

A dead bird on my doorstep. I love animals, cats would have shredded it but it stays that way when I found it. Coincidence ?

Another excruciating output from a little girl who does not have any health, eating or drinking disorder. Fluke of nature ?

A dead dried up lizard which was not there in the morning...

If its me you are angry with, why does the kids have to suffer ? May god forgive your transgression for I am unable to find even a speck of forgiveness, not when I have to see innocent children suffer.

Bukit Besar

2010-05-15T12:21:00.007+08:00

View at the top.

Quarter way up.

Under the huge billboard "Allah Selamatkan Terengganu".

Halfway there...

3/4 to the top.

Finally at the peak.

Errr, I was mostly pushing and carrying the bike.

Jula juli bintang 7

2010-05-15T12:10:00.007+08:00

The title is of a very old movie, about 7 sisters descending from heavens to frolic and play in a secluded watering hole. Unknown to them, the local village hero stole their clothes which cause them to lose their ability to fly back to the heavens...

Anyway, a recent ride reminded me of this, only thing, as you could already see its more like a herd of ..... instead of delicate beings from heaven heh heh.

The Hole

2010-05-11T08:28:00.008+08:00

A night shot by "Mr. Steady Hands" below the starboard beacon of the breakwater which is about 3 or 4 km long. Must have cost a bomb to build.

Classic views of padi fields at the foot of mountain ranges. Beautiful serenity and the subject of painters.

Along the quiet path to the hills.

In the valley...

...lies the swimming hole.... and you were thinking the title refers to ?

Mishap of the day, a broken handlebar.

Ride Mishaps...

2010-05-10T08:52:00.007+08:00

Bliss under the shade, clear blue sky accentuating the heat of the rising sun.

Fallen tree across the path ahead.

Bike down.

Broken chain.

Pinch flat.

Descent phobia. After twice falling, pushing the bike downhill seems sensible. It was fun nonetheless.

Sailing again...

2010-04-22T16:44:00.004+08:00

Tiny rescue boat. Makes you pray for light winds and no swell...

Equipment Failure - Thomson Stem

2010-04-22T09:39:00.006+08:00

I love this stem. Noticed it yesterday. I emailed Thomson, lets see what they say. Would also like to hear opinions from my local consultant [Dee ?] heh heh.

Night Ride

2010-04-22T09:34:00.004+08:00

I so wanted to go into a proper MTB route, but the reminder of bears and wild boars made us change the route. We ended up doing the horse riding trail with patches of loose sands providing the challenge in the dark. 43.4 km loop. Start at 2000 hrs. and end at 2330 hrs. with rounds of cool drinks by the sea.

Day Ride

2010-04-22T09:28:00.007+08:00

Helping to reduce carbon footprint.... whatever that means.

Pecah Rotan

2010-04-13T12:40:00.005+08:00

Pictures courtesy of Abg Mokhtar.

Sweaty fun, great views, good friends. Dee, Lan, Mi should be here...

Terengganu Candat Sotong

2010-03-22T10:03:00.008+08:00

On Sunday, 21st of March 2010, the state tourism sponsored by TM launched the "Bulan Candat Sotong". The highlight was a squid catching competition. 21 teams were there. 10 person to a boat.
Off they go in the overcast and slightly gloomy day - some say the squid will be thriving if it rains...

The happy faces of the competitors full of spirit and predilection of winning. There's the volume, weight, length and various other categories.

Preparing the gear that will surely bring us victory.

As night falls, the swell came higher and longer...

And victory remains but a distant dream. The eight of us from the "maritime" fraternity caught a total of 3 measly squid. The longest of which is 16.2 cm - the judges measured it just to appease the team I presume. We had a good laugh about it...

Friends

2010-03-18T08:19:00.004+08:00

I received this in my inbox this morning:

Hmmm, it was nice but a bit naive. Because it is always a "friend" i.e. those that are close to you that are bound to hurt you and stab you in the back. No one is ever stabbed in the back by a stranger is it ?

Anyway, good day to you too Macha and I hope all your friends remain true friends. And remember, if you are ever hurt by any one of them, its not personal. Its just like swimming in the sea. Its fun and feels good but you may drown or be stung by its creatures. Take care.

The Moon

2010-03-02T10:26:00.005+08:00

The moon, I have always been fascinated by its cool soothing presence. Believe it or not it does affect our mood. Humans contain about or more than 70% fluid. Even the tides of the oceans abide by the pull of the moon, what more mere mortals like us. This is where science and mysticism entwine. Werewolves howling at the full moon. The tide within the human body abiding by the gravity of the full moon unconsciously affecting our thoughts and feelings.

On a clear night with the full moon in view, find a quiet spot and just bathe in its gentle luminosity. See how you feel. Errrr just don't get too carried away....

Portraits

2010-02-28T09:07:00.007+08:00

Ahhhh, the folly of youth, real fun and laughter. Yo middle agers perhaps we should get back to this once in a while. Let go of the burden of life (is it really aburden ?) and get in touch with the time that has passed and seems so distant....

Best wishes

2009-12-24T08:38:00.003+08:00

My Sifu sent me the following which inspired me to do the same to all and sundry...

2010 Contract

Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year2010!

My Wish for You in 2010

May peace break into your home and may thieves come to steal your debts.

May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet for $100 bills.

May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!

May happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy

May the problems you had, forget your home address!

In simple words ............

May 2010 be the best year of your life!!

A Happy New Year & A Merry Xmas !!

Cheers

Cute cat

2009-12-16T15:35:00.004+08:00

Fresh start

2009-11-10T08:54:00.006+08:00

NT.

Al-Fatihah for Tok Cu Deraman

2009-11-08T08:37:00.004+08:00

It was some time last week that I received the news on the passing of Tok Cu Deraman, a dear gramps on my mother's side. A close cousin to my gramma and an opposite to my grampa. Grampa was stern, he was gentle. I miss them all.

He was a practitioner of traditional medicine specialising in treating stones. Kidney stones, gall stones etc. removed using watermelons, rock sugar and incantations. He passed the knowledge on to me a few years back. I just took it in passing, to appease him. Perhaps one of these days I shall put it to practice.

May Allah bless him. Al-Fatihah.

The Bikes

2009-10-31T07:07:00.005+08:00

Scooters actually.

I nearly hit a biker last night. It was dark and rainy as I waited to join the main road from a side junction. There were few cars as it was a bit late. Since it was a one way double lane main road, all I had to do was look out for cars coming from the right. Saw a couple waited till the last one passed and slowly entered the main road - it was dark and I was driving the small Viva. I had to slam on the brakes as suddenly this bike was inches away in front of my car. The biker wobble a bit, perhaps he was as surprised as I was. He slowed down and gave me the dirty look, I just raise my hand apologetically. I really did not see him, unlike my bike accident.

The thing is this, all bikers please be aware its very hard for drivers to see you on a dark rainy night especially if you follow a bigger vehicle closely. The lights from the brighter bigger vehicle will obscure the puny light from your bike. You, the biker should really look out instead of thinking or hoping that drivers will look out for you. After all if a car/lorry came into contact with a bike, which do you think will suffer more ?

Stop being an idiot and look out for yourself. I know because I ride too.

Double bill

2009-10-29T09:06:00.004+08:00

Haven't had a birthday cake in years. Frankly, I am not too keen on counting the numbers. Just reminded me on the limited time I have left, statistically just a bit more than a decade left. Anyway, the double billing celebrations reduced the awkward embarrassment. Thank you darling.

To all the well wishers, thank you. Especially to a dear friend who sent the audio message with burbling water and suppressed chatter in the background. Are you where I think you were ? Heh heh.

Cars - then to now...

2009-10-28T12:04:00.015+08:00

I am 44 today, I don't "turn", I just am. Strange, I don't feel 44 and hope I don't look 44 either, heh heh.

As I sit here trying to do work, the thought of reminiscing took me away from work that I am supposed to be doing. Took out the portable hard drive, rummage through folders and looked at the milestones - cars. Machines that gave mobility hence freedom to move.

My first car was a Subaru Van, a small loaf of bread looking machine with three cylinders. I bought it right after my father had an accident for the purpose of replacing his bike. He did not use it. I used it for a while and it was painful to sell. Up to a point a used car dealer told me to torch it and claim insurance instead. But, with the help of my dearly departed my father in law, it was replaced by the Proton Saga.

BCT 8113 similar as the one above. Mine was all kitted up with sports rim and trimmings of sportiness back then. It was a hoot zipping along the back roads in Melaka. It was replaced by the Honda Civic. A modern car which I liked. No pictures though.

The Civic was replaced by the Accord. Among the first batch produced in Malaysia. Problematic from day one. Door trims that does not match the rest of the interior, inability to fill fuel - apparently they fit the fuel valve backwards - missing screws on the visor. It was fixed after numerous visits to Honda. Such a hassle.

The reconditioned CRV. I enjoyed this car.

Sadly, it was totaled in an accident.

Replaced for a while by a Perodua Kelisa. Another fun little car.

Which in turn was replaced by the 1.4 iDSI Honda Jazz. Excellent fuel economy and quite fun to drive.

By this time my wife needed a car. We bought this Hyundai Atoz instead of the Kenari. A stupid mistake. The driving position is rubbish and it drinks fuel like crazy.

Both were replaced by the Honda Stream. Ahhhh, which caused me to join the myStream group and made some cool and good friends. It was a good car. I presume because it was made in Japan.

We also got another Honda Jazz. This time with the 1.5 iVTEC engine. Great little car. Spacious and fun.

Traded up to the Golf GTi Mk V. The best drivers car. Loved it.

The second Honda Stream. Crap build quality. Not as good to drive as the first Stream. Yet it served us quite well.

Some say its a sign of mid-life but I traded the GTi for the EOS in response to a childhood dream of driving a topless car. It was worth it.

Sighhh, the Perodua Viva is more practical though. Four doors and all. However, one of these will have to go soon....

Raya 2009

2009-10-27T09:36:00.008+08:00

NT.

Humpty dumpty...

2009-10-23T11:01:00.005+08:00

Broken nose and bloodied. The front of my shirt is soaked in blood. It was a miracle that I manage to keep the car on the road as we continued the journey in silence. It was not the pain but the humiliation and shock at her reaction to the news. Backhanded by my wife. Not a reaction that I was hoping for from a demure and sweet lady who has been the mother to my kids for almost two decades. Perhaps I deserve it.

A couple of years ago, a series of events and decisions led me to take another as my second wife. Life felt complete. Then last year my second union was blessed with the arrival of a daughter. Thus begin the nagging little voice deep in me to reconcile and made the situation known to all parties concerned. What better way to break the news than in a car ? No one can leave until the matter is resolved. At least that's what I thought. Never did I imagine that I would be physically beaten to a bloodied end by my wife. Yes, she is a black belt instructor, but surely getting physical is not her trait. Never in all those years that we were together.

She did not even cry. Not a tear - which was what I was expecting. All she said was, get out of the house. I did, for fear that things would get physical again and also for fear that I might lose my restraint.

It has been six months now. From a life that felt complete, it now felt like hell. I no longer have a place to truly call home. My second family is way across the sea. Even going to my mom's is no consolation. Though she no longer say anything but the look she gave is enough to pierce through my heart.

Whatever should I do ?

Not my personal experience - a friend seeking advice. Of course I laughed, then sympathy followed by "ko yang carik pasal"...

The teeth gnasher...

2009-10-21T11:45:00.005+08:00

Its been a long day, I only get to leave after Maghrib prayers. Am looking forward to the drive home. The solitude and tranquillity as the car glides past the empty country roads lined with palm oil and forested land. Definitely personal quality time used for contemplation and entertaining fantasies. Bliss accosted in the Volvo engulfed in great music and the lonely open road. Except for the few lorries there were not much traffic. The sky was clear, lit with glittering stars and a wedge of moon.

Two hours into the journey, lit a cigarette, roll down the window slightly to let the pungent smoke out of the car and slowed down a bit. The lilting tune of Kenny G setting the mood for a slow drive. It was then that i saw the shapeless thing flying past the car. It was as long and broad as the car itself. Perhaps it was just a shadow but the goose bumps on the back of my neck say otherwise. Dump the cigarette, rolled up the window and start moving faster. Perhaps I could catch up with some other vehicle up front.

It came again, like an aircraft performing flyby in air shows. The faster I drove, the closer it gets as it flies by. A shapeless, black blob playing catch with my car. As the speedo reaches 180, the thing is no more. A relief I thought would come was replaced by dread as I sense there is something on the back seat. The rear view mirror was dark but it was the sound that really gets to me. The sounds of gnashing teeth drowned the tunes of Kenny G. The sound was so close as if it was just inches from my ear. I drove faster while reciting all the holy prayers that I could think of. I did not dare to mute the music for fear that the sound its making will become more audible.

That’s all it does, making that sound. As the car proceeded along the winding bits, I remembered that perhaps all it wants is to make me go faster till I crashed. I slowed down to a more sensible speed and forced myself to ignore it. Finally, lights, Plaza Toll Jabor. Drove through the Smart Tag lane and stopped in the layby. Of course the thing was not there but I was soaked in sweat and shaking....

Based on a recent experience of a friend - not my personal experience, though I do drive on the same route - in a topless car !!!

Fishing

2009-10-08T08:44:00.002+08:00

Arrrgh, huge dust spot on the D700. Can you spot it ?

BFN 7800 - reincarnated...

2009-09-27T19:14:00.004+08:00

Do you believe in reinCARnation ? I do, well since I saw this car being driven in Bangsar yesterday or was it two days ago ? Anyway it was declared a total loss after I rolled it over 3 times on the North South Highway back in 2002. Yet, in 2009 it is alive roaming the streets of KL.

For more pictures and the pre-reinCARnation story click here.

Selamat Hari Raya

2009-09-16T15:19:00.003+08:00

Some of the text messages that I received (only 2 cards this year but numerous sms's), thank you. Greetings to you too.

Selamat hari raya, capt.

Walau langkah xbertemu,
Tangan xberjabat,
Ucap xterdengar,
Mata xbertatap,
Tapi inginkan hati memohon maaf zahir & batin...
Selamat m'yambut hari raya aidilfitri.

SALAM. DIKESEMPATAN INI SAYA & SEISI KELUARGA SAYA INGIN MENGUCAPKAN SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI. MOHON KEMAAFAN ZAHIR & BATIN JIKA TERSALAH/TERLANJUR KELAKUAN & BAHASA. MOGA AIDILFITRI KALI INI AKAN MEMBAWA KEBERKATAN KEPADA KITA SEMUA. INSHAALLAH...

Bergurau x selalu tapi mesra.
Kasih x dalam tapi kekal.
Senyum x manis tapi ikhlas.
Hati x cinta tapi rindu.
SMS x kerap tapi ingat.
Salam kemaafan Aidil Fitri.

Tutup sudah tirai Ramadhan, terbuka pula sinar Syawal, luhur iman ikhlas amalan, moga ibadat diberkati Allah... Salam Eidul-Fitri Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Slmt hari raye smua. maf zhr btin. jgn lupa bw kueh raye utk sya nti.

Salam,
Tiada kata seindah zikir,
Tiada ibadah seindah puasa,
Tiada bulan seindah Ramadhan,
Selamat Hari Raya,
MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN.

Secebis kasih membuatkan kita sayang.
Seucap janji membuatkan kita percaya.
Sekecil luka membuatkan kita kecewa.
Tetapi sebuah persahabatan selamanya bermakna.
Maaf zahir & batin... selamat menyambut hari raya aidil fitri.

Askm. Semoga ibadah puasa diberkati Allah dan dipanjangkan umur agar bertemu kembali Ramadan berikutnya. Salam Aidilfitri, maaf zahir batin.

Masak pulut buat tapai,
Beli beras buat lemang,
Hantar kad raya lambat sampai,
Hantar sms lagi senang...
SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN.

Dlm kerendahan hati ada ketinggian budi,
Dlm kemiskinan harta ada kekayaan jiwa,
Dlm gurau senda ada silap & dosa,
Dgn kehadiran SYAWAL.. kesempatan ini... ampun maaf ku pinta SEIKHLASNYA...

Eid Mubarak bermula nye esok - kesempatan ini saya mohon maaf selama kita berkawan & bekerja dimana terkasar bahasa dan sebagai nye "SELAMAT HARI RAYA".

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Maaf Zahir Batin. Dengan Ingatan Tulus Ikhlas dari kami.

Andai jari x dapat bersentuh,
Tangan x dapat bersalam,
Hendaknya batin kita tetap bertaut,
Minal aidin wal faizin,
Mohon maaf lahir dan batin.

Ya Allah sempena akhir Ramadhan ini kau kurniakan saudaraku ini dan keluarganya keberkatan, rahmat serta keampunanmu. Letakkan mereka bersama ahli-ahli syurgamu. Ketemukan mereka dgn Ramadhan tahun hadapan dlm keimanan dan ketakwaan Mu...
Amin. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri & Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Selamat menyambut & meraikan kedatangan Syawal. Moga Syawal ini akan menghadirkan limpahan rahmat dan seribu kegembiraan buat Tuan & keluarga. Pohon ribuan kemaafan diatas segala kesilapan, kekurangan & kekhilafan kami sekeluarga.

I met Iman, Taqwa, Patience, Peace, Joy, Love, Health & Wealth today,
They need a permanent place to stay, I gave them your address,
Hope they arrived safely to celebrate Idul Fitri with U, may Allah bless U and ur family.
Selamat Hari raya Aidil Fitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Salam Idulfitri,
Jauh ddokekkan, dh dokek dhimpunkan,
dkampung nan sesudut, kok kocik 2lah kok bosa 2lh,
kok koghuh samo dijoghonihkan,
kok tobolit samo dilopehkan,
kok tobuku kito pocahkan,
jgn sojuk dlua paneh ddlm,
suko samo ghiang,
sodih samo menangih,
Lebaran mengiratkan sil...rahim.
Ikhlas dari kami.

Saya sekeluarga dengan serendah hati mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri untuk saudara sekeluarga. Jemput datang hari raya pertama @ kedua.

Selamat hari raya. Maaf zahir & batin. Semoga aidil fitri membawa penuh keberkatan buat sdr sekeluarga.

Salam lebaran untuk semuanya... Keampunan dan kemaafan dipinta, atas semua kesalanku... (~_~) SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDULFITRI.

Al-Fatihah for Uncle Nan

2009-09-11T11:30:00.003+08:00

An uncle from my father-in-law's side passed away at 0100hrs this morning due to heart complications. Leaving behind a distraught wife and daughters. Semoga keberkatan Jumaat dan Ramadhan mengiringi pemergiannya. Amin.

When I see a ghost...

2009-09-05T09:50:00.005+08:00

... I will recite "Allah hummarabbanna..." doa makan (prayer before eating) says a nephew with all the seriousness that could be mustered by a 4 year old.

Huh ? Why ?

Well, the ghost will run away because it will think that I am going to eat it !!!

Ahhhhh. Can't argue with that logic. I think I will do the same from now on. Not just for ghosts but also for the idiots and annoying creatures that we are bound to meet as we navigate through life heh heh.

Time...

2009-08-31T09:31:00.003+08:00

There comes a time when all we do is wait...

Mak Dak

2009-08-30T14:25:00.007+08:00

Just some images that I associate with Mak Dak.

Al-Fatihah for Capt. Usop

2009-07-20T08:25:00.002+08:00

Received a call from Dato' J yesterday. It's been a long time since he got in touch. It was a pleasant surprise when I saw his name flashing on my phone. Hmm, maybe a job offer or new business proposal ? Sadly, the news was the opposite.

Capt. Yusof Ahmad passed away in his sleep in the morning and that he will be laid to rest in Ampangan. That's all he could gather and he asks if I know of the specific location. I do not. Innalillah hi wa innalillah hirrajiun. May Allah have mercy on him.

He will be missed, for to me he is one of those who's honesty and no nonsense ways I value and appreciate.

Al-Fatihah for Adi

2009-06-23T08:34:00.004+08:00

Tuesday, 16 June 2009, 1605 hrs. My youngest and only brother exhaled his last breath in Hospital Kajang. He is 31 and left behind an ex-wife and a daughter. May Allah have mercy and bless him.

I always thought that he may be the one to carry me to my final resting place yet I carried him instead.

Flowers for ...

2009-06-02T08:59:00.004+08:00

Tiny little colourful things to brighten your day...

I have horns...

2009-05-22T12:24:00.003+08:00

I have always thought as myself as one whom babies and kids can be comfortable with. I enjoy their company and assumed they do mine. Most of them anyway...

Except for this particular niece, ever since she was a baby she would cry if I so much as came near. Its been a couple of years and we met again. She has grown and can now talk. This is what she told her mommy.... ;)

"Mommy please don't ask Pak Long (that's me) to come over, he has horns, green and three of them..." in earnest.

Maybe I do and only she can see them heh heh heh...

Acceptance

2009-05-08T17:15:00.004+08:00

Win some and lose some. Losing sure feels crap but ripping that fencing to create a shortcut sure is therapeutic...

Paragliding

2009-04-21T11:15:00.006+08:00

Nothing beats the exhilaration of being able to defy gravity. The rush, the excitement and the risk.

Moody skies

2009-04-13T09:35:00.004+08:00

Its one of those cold wet mornings. Tons to do but the mood is just not there. Browse through the pictures folder and found these which reminded me of a dear friend. A peculiar artistic soul who has a certain predilection toward jet streams in the sky. He'll just stop, stare and says " I just love those things, reminds me of freedom..." with a contented look on his face.

As for me, being on a beach would be nice....

Putrajaya III - in the air

2009-04-01T21:41:00.006+08:00

NT.

Putrajaya II - in the air...wooohooo

2009-04-01T21:36:00.005+08:00

NT.

Putrajaya I - going up

2009-04-01T09:17:00.008+08:00

Man has always been fascinated by movement of nature. Its not enough to walk on two legs, we learn to swim like fish and then we want to fly. Swim is easy, flying is another story. Develop wings or hang on to pieces of cloth filled with hot air. On a hot balmy afternoon in Putrajaya, the hot air balloon festival. Crowded and colourful.

Sunset at Pulau Kapas

2009-03-31T08:37:00.007+08:00

Golden sunsets at Pulau Kapas. My favourite time of day, beautiful light with cool breeze bringing on a sense of peace and calm with a tinge of sadness as the day comes to a close.

Seasick !

2009-03-25T14:43:00.008+08:00

I am not one to easily succumb to motion sickness, be it on land, air or sea. However, a recent "mencandat sotong" or squid fishing trip proves my gullibility to this problem. It started out well enough. I was excited as this is a first for me. We left the serene waters of Pulau Kapas under a beautiful sky. Gliding on the moonlit shimmering seas. Smells and sounds of the seas is really soothing and therapeutic. As the occasional spray of salty drops hits our skin we feel refreshed. Until we hit open waters and the boats starts to move in rhythm with the swells. It starts to roll and pitch. A small boat trying to keep up with the long slow swell. It was just swells. It wasn't even breaking. Yet the motion of the boat, which I am told later is common because of its stiff characteristic. It rolls one way and before you could sway with it, jerks the opposite way. Salty sprays turns to salty showers as the bow ploughs into the sea.

It was fun. Reminded me of those times on real ships going through Bay of Biscay. Even then I rarely if ever got seasick.

My seasickness starts when nature calls. Once in the bathroom, the putrid smell in an enclosed space just drove my senses over the edge. It forced me to remember what seasick felt like. It was horrible. I ended up lying on a bench, holding onto the railings and just let the boat rock me however it wanted to. The boys had fun squid fishing while I was silently praying for them to have had enough and head back back to the steady shores. So, now I can really appreciate what Jag felt like when we were in Tioman. Lets do it again Jag.

Viet Nam War Museum

2009-03-14T18:28:00.006+08:00

A place worth visiting if only to see the atrocities of war. Next to a quote "every humans right to freedom bla bla bla" hangs a picture of two boys by a padi field, the elder protecting the younger. Both shot to death. A group of women and children with horrified looks on their faces just before being killed en-masse. Naked men bound by their feet and dragged to death by the war machines. I supposed when they say "human" it means human like them not human like us - if that term could be used to describe "us".

I shudder to think that this may be happening again today...

A picture is really worth more than a thousand words.

Gunung Nuang

2009-03-10T09:11:00.009+08:00

Some friendlies from Gunung Nuang. A place to go for a peaceful trek, sweat and switch off. Swarms of insects, butterflies, moths, bees and many more. Just wear comfy shoes and bring enough water unless you are game for the cool waters of the mountain stream.

From the car park, where you are required to register and pay a RM1 fee to the first waterfall area would be about 2 hours [my pace - you might be faster], from there the trail turns to single track water ruts made up of rocky and knobbly roots. It'll be another 4 hours perhaps to reach the peak. For those going for the first time it is advisable to go with someone who is familiar with the place.

Arwah Ayah

2009-03-07T11:58:00.006+08:00

Just some shots taken on one of of our visit to arwah ayah's resting place. Grandkids reciting Yassen for him. The ones that he nurtured and pampered remembering him. May he be blessed.

THINK !!!

2009-02-27T10:38:00.005+08:00

You know, a copy of the following letter came in my inbox and I fully emphatise with it. Bottom line, instead of playing cats and dogs, can't the powers that be focus on real issues facing Malaysia now. I wonder, what have the Malaysian public done to deserve the predicament that we have now. Some of you may say - ala ko mengundi pun tidak - yes, that's because frankly I lost trust because I see that all of them are in it for the money, not really for the people. Its the connection and the concessions and the contracts that matters. The people only play the role of supporting actors especially pre-election. The smiling babies, the visit to old folks, the repair of places of worship. Sickening once you see past the "making of" whichever side it may be. Why should there be sides ? Aren't we now working for one nation ? Anyway, by chance, if there's any politician reading this prove me wrong. Show me one that's really working for the people (bar Datuk Michael Chong) and I'll show you a dozen others that's in it to be rich. Errr, maybe not, I certainly do not want to get arrested.

Just read the letter...

Dear Malaysian Politicians,

Please stop the power chase, call for a truce and focus on the economy.

I do not claim to speak on behalf of all Malaysians, but I have strong convictions that many share my sentiments.

Our concern today is not who rules the country or heads the state governments but the looming bad economy.

Whether Barisan Nasional or Pakatan Rakyat leads, it is meaningless if Malaysians have no job to go to, no money to pay rent and no means to put food on the table.

I am a business owner, like other business owners and managers of corporations I have a responsibility to ensure people under my care and payroll continue to have jobs and a decent income to take home. We work hard and willing to go the extra mile to make sure our nation not only survive this crisis but come out stronger and wiser. We need your help.

Let me explain. I am in the business of Training, Development and Consultancy and have 20 people in my team.

Saedah is 42. She keeps the office clean and helps organise the training rooms. She has four children and her husband is unemployed. She was first hired on a part time basis, because she is very hard working and has a great attitude, we offered her a full time job to help provide a stable income for her family. Even then, when her third child started school this year, it was a struggle for her to buy new school uniforms and other necessities. Saedah lives on a ‘kais bulan, makan bulan’ basis, so, if she is jobless, her tap runs dry.

Samsuri is 27 years old. He lives with his sister and her family in a low cost government flat in Sunway. He does our despatch, helps with various clerical works and occasionally acts as a driver. During the first week at zubedy, we learned that he not only did not have money to buy new clothes and shoes for work, he had no money for lunch. Like Saedah, if he has no job, his tap runs dry too.

Alicia in Client Servicing turns 26 this year. She lives with her dad who is 71 years old and retired. Her mom passed away when she was little. Alicia is a hard-working team member, has a gentle caring outlook and fun to be with. (We like to poke fun at her as she blushes easily). Last May her dad went through a major operation, thank God he has recovered well. Alicia needs a job, both for herself and her dad.

Sudesh, 38, is one of our facilitators. When his father passed away last year, he moved back and lives with his mother in Seremban. He shuttles between Kuala Lumpur and Seremban daily, leaving home sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and returning late at night. He is no stranger to hard work and sacrifice, he knows what he needs to do to survive and to care for his mother, but he too needs a job.

Like fellow Malaysians, every one of us in zubedy needs employment, those that live from hand to mouth like Saedah and Samsuri and others like Alicia and Sudesh with family to care for. We Malaysians need the Malaysian economy to be strong. We need you, our leaders, to work hard and to work together to make our economy viable.

So this is my plea.

Pakatan Rakyat, please stop your attempts to take over the federal government and persuade BN’s lawmakers to join you. Stop all legal proceedings, no more 916 and let go, just let go. The nation can wait till the next general elections if they want change. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and gracious and give you their support in the next elections.

Barisan Nasional, please stop any attempts to take over PR states and win over PR’s lawmakers. You have proven your point with Perak. The nation can wait for the next general elections if they want your party. Focus all your talent, energy and hard work in steering the country out of an economic downturn. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and smart and give you their support in the next elections.

BN and PR! Call for a truce. Get together and compromise. Someone has to give in. Or has hate consumed your heart till it blinds you? You can do it. You have enough intelligent people between you. I am sure you can find solutions. Take the nation to heart. That is why you are in politics in the first place.

Focus on the people.

Focus on the economy.

Anas Zubedy
Managing Director
Zubedy (M) Sdn Bhd

MyStream Photogs

2009-02-26T10:01:00.006+08:00

Lighted by the PDA...

More night shots

2009-02-26T00:40:00.005+08:00

I love the colours. Sometimes darkness shows those that light could never reveal.

Mask

2009-02-22T20:32:00.006+08:00

Which mask shall I put on today ?
Sometimes none will be necessary for they can see what they wish to see.
Someday it is mandatory as they can see only what I want them to see.
For I have learned you see, that deep inside, beneath the skin its all for me.

Then there are times when a mask alone will not be enough.
As I trudge trough trying to survive.
Then, only then a crutch will ease the pain as I hobbled along the darkened plain.
The crutch will help me stand and I will beat the skein.
Till it goes cowering back to the hole and be blind.

Or, I may dress with baubles and blings to avert the eyes away from my grimace.
Gritting my teeth and jingling my blings so they don't see the real thing.

Putrajaya International Convention Center

2009-02-19T09:47:00.005+08:00

NT [click on photo to see sharper image]

Moving on ?

2009-02-19T09:09:00.003+08:00

It was late afternoon, I was at one of the rest areas that seems to be a prominent prop in my current routine. Half way to my destination on the other side of the country. My brother called, "Abah has been out from early this morning and has not been back, I've been looking for the past hour and not found him. What should I do ?"

The best I could offer was to wait and do another search along the route that he might have taken. Also to enquire at hospitals in the area and if all fails to go to the police. Abah is in his mid sixties, quite healthy and has been working all his life. He just quit a couple months ago. Goes everywhere on his bike and that is the worrying bit. Has a driving license but refused to drive a car. I felt a slight twinge of guilt as I recall giving him some money a few days ago. Perhaps it was that money that became the cause of this incident ? I prayed that all will be well and continued on my journey.

Later that evening I was informed that my sister is on her way to pick up Abah from Dengkil. Apparently, Abah got lost and was found by a native in one of the villages in the area. He was observed to have been circling the area a couple of times and when he fell off his bike, the native assisted and only then knew that he was lost. [MEN GENETICALLY DESIGNED NOT TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS]. Luckily Abah has my sister's number in his wallet.

See, the thing is, Abah is from Cheras Baru, his intention was to go to Pudu to buy some stuff, yet he ended up in Dengkil which is way out either by direction or distance. According to him, he failed to remember the way. I suspect its his idleness that is causing his mind to behave as it did. Most importantly, I shudder at the thought that I might be looking at my future.

Night Shots

2009-02-16T10:48:00.006+08:00

Some night scenes in Putrajaya. Had fun "poisoning myStream boys" on the D700's low light capability and using virtual horizon with available gate post in lieu of a proper tripod. Thanks for the invite guys. Lets do it again soon - err if I am available (hopefully)....

Two ladies dressed to the nines waiting for their transport after a wedding reception at the PICC. Handheld. Amazing, so it appears that technology has put equipment before talent. What do you think ? Is it the person or the equipment ?

Passing on...

2009-02-12T15:03:00.003+08:00

Woke up to a short and succinct "My MIL passed away 1.20am this morning". Another one from that generation is gone. Perhaps for the best as she had been enduring various medical conditions, regular dialysis and the latest which may well be the last straw on the proverbial camels back - amputation of her leg due to diabetes. Al-Fatihah, semoga Allah mencucuri rahmat keatas rohnya.

As that generation begin to tumble like dominoes, so is mine moving up to replace them. Time really is catching up.

Hanging on...

2009-02-10T22:08:00.006+08:00

Had one of our regular MyStream old timers meet last night. Lasted till the wee hours of the morning. The theme seems to be hovering on the current economic doom and gloom. Everyone has a story to tell, factory cutting down operating hours, working days being drastically slashed, production being stopped, budgets being cut. There are even observation of desperate crimes being committed. Shoplifting of milk powder and snatch thieves working alone. Its bad.

The world is still in a downward spiral and have yet to reach bottom. Here we are entrenched in the system unable to survive on our own. With a sad fondness we looked at the lives back in the village where food is grown, hunted or gathered. Very slim chance of going hungry. Now, without the hypermarkets we'll be lost. What if our spending power is suddenly depleted ? What if our plastics is made worthless and the ATM's refused our patronage ? What then ? Pretty scary.

Then again even in times like these there are those who seemed unaffected. How affected could you be if you can manage to go test drive a Merc SL or two...

Passing on

2009-01-31T12:56:00.002+08:00

Received news early this morning while I was blazing along on the North-South highway. An uncle on my mothers side, the second of three have passed on. Two down and one to go. Innalillah and Al-Fatihah is all I could muster as neither the will nor resources availed itself for me to go and pay my last respect. His sons and daughter whom I have not been in touch with since we were kids, I am sure will be there to do the necessary.

Such is the nature of human relations I live in today. Sure, blood is thicker than water but water sustains you, blood will not (unless you are a vampire...). Deep inside, if it was (god forbid) one from my circle of close friends or relatives that passed on, I am certain that I will be able to find the will or resource for the last goodbye.

That said, may Allah bless Pak Teh's soul and may he rest in peace.

G10 by Nikon

2009-01-28T08:47:00.005+08:00

What's in a name ?

2009-01-24T07:37:00.003+08:00

Mangkuk Dara - Virgin Bowl, what do you make of that ? Food is not bad but a tad pricey for the place.

Cherating

2009-01-23T11:00:00.006+08:00

I was here decades ago with a close buddy of mine. A stopover after a gruelling tour of Phuket and Haadyai. Those were the times. Recently, an opportunity presented itself which brought me back. I thought a chalet will cost about RM30/40 but one with air conditioning now cost RM80. Basic and was not very well maintained.

The beach is still the same though not as pristine as I remembered it. A bit more debris strewn about. Though the most disturbing is the presence of dogs. I have nothing against dogs or any other animals for that matter, but when they roam around everywhere its a bit disconcerting. Especially those moving in packs.

Quaint scene in the morning of local fisherman tending to their nets.

Amazingly, the place seems to have an active surfer community. All in all it was a pleasant stay but unlike decades ago, I don't think I would rush there again anytime soon.

Flocking together

2009-01-22T09:52:00.003+08:00

Had a pleasant surprise yesterday when the person we were supposed to meet turns out to be a long lost friend from the sea. Small world. Though he did at first mistook me for a chief cook with the same name. Yeah, just because I gained a few kilos and a more rounded middle. We had a good laugh. The good vibes from the short encounter lingers and led my mind to ponder recent events and how it relates to the meaning of friendship for me...

Lets begin with the title of this post. Its extracted from the saying "birds of a feather flock together" in Malay "enggang sama enggang pipit sama pipit". I use to abhor that statement as I have always believed that humans are created equal. Even in the sailing days I resent the fact that the crew and officers were restricted in their daily routines due to their ranks. Each with their own designated place for eating and recreation. Overly familiar relationship will be admonished and looked upon with disdain. Only now, as I approached the final phase of my life did I begin to understand and appreciate what that saying really meant.

It is true that all humans are equal and all have the same rights and obligations. It is only when we inadvertently go to the next level in human relations that the saying will apply. Being close only to those with feathers such as yours is a good way to avoid making relational mistakes and thus avoid getting hurt. Most crisis between humans are caused by misunderstandings and assumptions. This could be greatly be minimised if both parties have the same understanding and values. Therefore, logically since the same feathers have the same understanding and values, chances of a crisis is reduced. Bear in mind that same feathers does not mean race or religion, more to do with educational background, social hierarchy and of course common interest.

Why am I ranting about this ? To be honest, I made a mistake in mistaking a friend who in reality is only a work colleague. We worked together for the past decade. One superior with the other being the opposite from different departments. As opportunities arose both left and worked together in a new set up albeit in the same category with better remunerations. It was only when tragedy strikes that the real colour of the feather shines through. I was a bit thick I suppose as it was only after a few incidents that I realise it was only me assuming that he was a friend when in all probability he was acting only as a colleague.

My mistake was that I took it for granted that others will treat me as I would treat them. I will go all out for my friends as I expected them to do for me except in this case, only now I realise things were done for me not on the basis of friendship but taken as orders. His inability to say no to a superior even if back then the request for help is out of the scope of work. It felt bad as I question the sincerity of our relationship for the past decade. That said, we all need to learn, no matter how long it takes and move on.

Suicidal Flies

2009-01-14T20:37:00.003+08:00

Suicidal flies, continued from the previous post. The place is a beach along the coast of Terengganu. A nice place marred by the attack of the flies. Apparently, they will come if there's a marked change in weather.

We've driven for hours looking for a place to eat which must be on the beach. Being hungry we fought off the flies and continue eating. Ironically none of us got sick after the risky meal. Not even one complaint of stomach flu. Bur then, I would not want to stop in that place again.

Happy New Year - Time Flies

2008-12-31T22:05:00.010+08:00

Sand flies. Very focused and still on the carcass of the crab.

Ahhh, suicidal flies. A totally different story.

Yes, time certainly flies doesn't it. Seems only yesterday 2007 greeted us, now its gone. Happy new year to all.

Seascapes

2008-12-28T18:26:00.005+08:00

Without looking at the exif, see if you can spot the difference between the output of a DSLR and a compact digital.

Back to basics

2008-12-26T23:26:00.006+08:00

Back to the things I know a bit of, ships and the sea. Photos taken on a rather hazy, moody afternoon which gave the rather cold bluish cast.

Flow control

2008-12-21T22:44:00.004+08:00

Flow, everything seems to flow away, least of all money. Especially in these dire times, year end rituals and its impact on the already skinny purse. Which reminds me of a discussion I had with a dear friend who is a polar opposite to me where money is concerned.

His aim was to make millions, he enjoys looking at the many zero's in his bank statement. When I ask him why, he said that its important to have funds available for important things that might crop up. Hmmm, true, but then again how we define important things is relative. He led a frugal life, happy in his own scroogian ways. Till today, he has yet to spend his millions on "important things".

I on the other hand always seems to find "important things" to spend on. Things like this notebook that I am creating this post with. It is important for me to have things that make my life easier and more enjoyable. If its a notebook, it has to be light so its easy to carry around, fast and functional, which will obviously cost a lot more than your regular PC which could also be used to produce a post such as this.

Money, after all is meant to be used to make things easier for us. Not to be hoarded and admired. Unless of course if you can say; eat it per se. You know, some ketchup on a fifty note to add taste... No you had to use it to perhaps get a plate of mash and bangers, which can then satisfy your hunger. Certainly not merely looking at the money.

We live a short life after all. God forbid, the millions you left behind after you die became the source of contentions among those you left behind.

Then again, maybe I am just a wee bit jealous at his still many zero's....

Penang Feri

2008-12-07T23:13:00.007+08:00

MyStream 2008

2008-11-30T18:31:00.002+08:00

The clan had a great time at Legend Water Chalet, Port Dickson. About two dozen families and their cars were involved. The organisers did a great service. From the hotel arrangement to the barbeque and best of all the entertainment. No need to spend on guest artist, resident entertainers were equally great if not better.

We had singers with golden voices and natural born comedians. Mix that with camaraderie and unpretentious kinship, it made for a blast of a time for everyone.

Thank you guys.

The Visitor

2008-11-29T11:03:00.004+08:00

Work finished late, almost midnight. Needing respite we went for a slow drive. Enjoying the cool night breeze and beautiful moonlight in the open top car. Stopped for a drink, some chicken wings and fries at Danga Bay.

By the time we got back it was almost 2am. The gate was closed, even with the bright beam of the xenon headlights no one appears to open the gate. Damn, "makan gaji buta..." A toot of the horn brought not the guards, instead another colleague appear from the guard house. He opened the gate and we cruised in.

Get the roof up, cut the engine and walk slowly to the main door. Just as I reached for the door knob, the two guards appear. They look shaken and the Indian guy start muttering in Tamil to our Administrator. It turns out that just before we arrived, the guards saw something that looks like a lady dragging a long white cloth. They followed it right up to the door before it disappears.

This, after our colleague left his room to sleep in the guard house. Why ? He keep hearing someone or something calling out to him whenever he is in his room.

That night the three of us ended up moving beds, mattresses and pillows to spend the night like refugees in one single room. Forgoing privacy and privileges, succumbing to fear. Letting our base instinct pacify itself with the perceived security offered by the proximity of another human being. But...

As I lay myself to sleep, I can't help but wonder, is it really my two other friends that is sleeping in the room ? Is it really them or what appears to be them. I do not dare ask, nor do I sleep as I lay waiting for the morning sun to burn away the fear and uncertainty.

By the sea...

2008-11-23T22:35:00.003+08:00

A nice day by the beach. Clear blue skies unhindered by smog or pollutants. Atmosphere cleaned by the rain. Soft salty air caressing exposed skin...

Cheeky girl...

2008-11-17T10:56:00.003+08:00

My niece, the confident cheeky girl who has an answer for everything. Don't mess with her...

Parting Ways IV

2008-11-08T20:07:00.004+08:00

Jim has more or less settled in his new life, new routines, new emptiness. Taking to it like duck to water though outwardly he gave an impression of one going through a rough patch, secretly he's beginning to enjoy his freedom. The severed responsibility from wife and kids. He has always been an introvert and this turn in his life gave him the social endorsement to be himself. No more putting up faces, no more pretending to enjoy companies he did not care for. He has an excuse, his divorce, the separation from the kids gave him immunity. Everyone would understand when he makes an excuse not to be sociable.

He poured his soul into his work. 24 hours a day. Only taking short breaks during weekends to see the kids, if they were on the same continent, that is. Otherwise, his weekend will be spent lazing around and working on his art. He has just discovered painting and found it to be soothing as he immerses himself in the colours and textures on the canvas. He lets himself go when he paints. Some were bold strokes and colours while some were muted monochrome and sepia. Once completed, left to dry then stacked in one of the rooms. This is his new world as he continue to heal from the pain. And the memory of that pain was revisited by a phone call.

It happened while he was on the way to a meeting. His mind pre-occupied with it. His agenda, the negotiations, the opponents, the back up plan and some such. When his phone rings, he just picked it up thinking that it may be his secretary making sure, as usual, that he is indeed going to the meeting - not that he ever forgets - she's just doing her job, annoyingly, Jim thought. But the voice at the other end is different and it spoke of pleasantries not formality. It took a second or so for Jim to be pulled back to the conversation at hand.

It was an old friend, used to be anyway. It was a friend whom he had helped get back on his feet when he was down and out. Someone whom he put his reputation on the line for. Yet, for some reason or other, once this friend got his groove back, Jim was dropped like a hot stone. No explanation, no nothing, just drifted off. Last Jim heard was that this friend does not like the way Jim was treating another common friend. Yeah right, some excuse. What hurts most for Jim was the fact that he lost a friend whom he had taken in as one of his own. He was angry at himself for being too trusting, for thinking that others would treat him like he would treat them. What a fool. No more. Thinking back, Jim realised that perhaps there was an element of jealousy and business rivalry that brought on the rift. The past is gone.

The phone call seems a bit too suspicious for Jim. No apologies, no nothing, just an out of the blue invitation to dinner. After years has gone by, numerous mobile number changes, a call for dinner ? Nah, even the memory is still painful so when the sms with address arrived, Jim replied in the negative. Inwardly, he thought, you got out of my circle by your own choice, getting back in is not as simple as that, if ever...

What exactly does this person want ? Jim just couldn't figure it out yet he was sure there is an ulterior motif to that invitation. How did he get his number ? As he recall, his distribution was limited when he changed his number. Have they been monitoring him all this while. If so, would not a friend have come forward when he was in the midst of the divorce. Why wait until now ? So many question, so many assumptions. The circumstances seems too suspicious and insincere. Worst of all, Jim takes this as an invasion which he did not take kindly to. If only, the call would have come with an explanation and a sincerity that he could accept.

That evening, his painting was made up of bold strokes of red slashes over blue and green blotches. Mesmerising mix of textures and colours filled with anger.

Wings

2008-11-05T10:47:00.005+08:00

Majestic creatures made lazy by human intervention...

The Wedding 01/11/08

2008-11-01T18:53:00.006+08:00

Some snapshots from the wedding of a friend this morning. A simple, happy ceremony attended by close friends and relatives. May this union be blessed and may happiness, prosperity and contentment be theirs.

The radiant and ecstatic bride and groom after the "akad-nikah" - solemnisation of their vows.

"Phew, it's official babe...."

Congratulations and good luck guys.

Beauty..

2008-10-30T09:18:00.007+08:00

Sometimes in the darkest hour we forget the simple things that surround us. We overlook the little details that may bring relief and joy even for a fleeting moment. Focus on the dark and be blinded or seek the specks of light that bring hope. Hope, after all is one thing that all of us have a lot of.

Currently at least two of my close friends is in the midst of preparing to go for Hajj. The annual pilgrimage has begun. Getting news of their pending departure struck a chord in me. A tinge of jealousy perhaps because its not me that is going. The Hajj, the fifth pillar of Islam. I just want to get it done yet have not. Why ? I am the type who likes to get things done and over with. Like paying the bills once it arrived - unlike my other half - well that's a contentious story by itself. So, 5 pillars, 4 done, 1 left. To appease my mind, I have been to Mecca 3 times. For Umrah, the voluntary (is this the right term for sunat ?) not mandatory visit.

Since the first Umrah I kept telling myself that I will come for the Hajj, yet god in his ways invited me back for the 2nd and 3rd Umrah. So, for now, hope and wait. Inshaallah. To those going - lambailah kami yang tinggal ni.

A parcel arrived yesterday. It contains a book, a tangible output from 2007. Details and short review here.

Just being morbid...

2008-10-28T23:02:00.006+08:00

I am certain quite a few will be put off by this post. Apologies, am just continuing the seemingly morbid ideas that goes through my head in recent times. The sequence of pictures seems to dictate a path soon to be trodden. The discarded coffin, the plots reserved for adults and the innocent exit sign losing innocence due to its placement.

Anyway, I am winding down a special day - according to my kids - my birthday. I don't subscribe to celebrating it as to me its just a passing of time which coincided with the day I was brought into this world. Got quite a few things done today. Highlight of which is my first ever organic lunch courtesy of Den. Was quite good and should have a camera with me. A tad more pricey but worth it. Never imagined that brown rice served with veggies could taste so refreshing and good.

To those who sent their best wishes, by mail (mainly the banks and businesses...) and sms, thank you. To those who forgot, no worries, I prefer not to be reminded that I am getting ever closer to my exit point. To the few friends whose birthday falls within a few days of mine, may your coming years be a thousand times better, healthier and happier. Happy Birthday ;)

Kiara - birds in the graveyard

2008-10-27T19:23:00.005+08:00

Let your mind wander, making up the story as you go. Start with the curious bird reading the faded markings on the old tombstone...

RC helicopter

2008-10-26T20:31:00.013+08:00

It started as a meet over laksa and satay. The menu expanded to include thick lamb soup with bread, roti jala with chicken curry, trifle, pudding, cake, kuih and numerous other that I can't recall because its just too varied and I did not taste them all.

Accompanied by cold drinks, hot drinks and ENO for my dear bloated friend who has to fly off to another engagement tonight. Then Anuar came and the story revolves around his hobby - radio controlled helicopters. It was interesting but expensive. Then again, I presume not as expensive as keeping a mistress, ahem...

The ground briefing to a very attentive audience followed by...

...some practical, technical lessons. Notice the guy in white trying to figure out the black box...

Wooohoooo, actual flight.

Higher, further and faster.

Demo over, dismantling for storage. The battery pack only lasts for about 10 minutes of flight. Need to fly for half hour ? Prepare 3 fully charged battery pack. Err, a pack costs RM180.00.

Back into its custom made storage case.

Fully taken in future pilots all nagging their pa and ma for a helicopter of their own. Thanks to Anuar. Thanks to Dee and family for being a super host with super food and super company.