Forgive me for I have sinned....

It has been a while and sinned we surely have. Sparked by a query on why I have not been writing leads me to ask the same of myself. Thus as I glide through the clear water, the only sound is air escaping from the regulator, so does my thoughts purging itself floating towards the light above. Trying to gather itself into a coherent and sensible line of normalcy. Therein lies the flaw, coherent maybe, sensible perhaps, normalcy questionable.

Some days I feel tired....

What do I say ? What do you want me to say ? Perhaps I have said what needed to be said. It is true that history repeats itself for I am now at that all too familiar junction. Exploring the choices on how and where to spend my remaining days. As any atom in existence, motion is a necessity. Being motionless will mean to perish. That motion for me is held in check by my students. It is the only thing that is holding me back for now. How did it come to this ?

Approaching Closure

Clearing out my parents home .... Almost five decades ago we pose for that picture....

Labels...

Of late, I have been labelled with words that some time back would not make sense nor be associated with. Some positive, some negative yet some which made me think and evaluate what I have done and the things that has been done to me.

From pathetic to so full of myself to the choices that I have to make. Continuously being scrutinized and judged. That's human nature I suppose. Have I changed ? Do I need to change ? I don't think so, not at this juncture. Too late for that. But it does made me more appreciative of the fact that somehow we impact others as we go through, just as others have an impact on us. In the end, we have to be answerable to what we did or did not do. No excuses. As for me, no regrets no matter how hard and painful it could sometimes be. Nothing lasts forever, be it pain or sweetness. Just remember who we are and why we exists....

Watery bliss...

Read this somewhere -
There's a reason why good people suffer. They don't safeguard themselves against those whose nature is to harm and destroy. If you kiss a scorpion, it will sting you. If you hug a grizzly bear, it will crush you. If you offer to make friends with the alligator, it will eat you.

People are more difficult to recognize, yes. But they do give away their nature by their actions. Words can be decieving. We need to tune our judgement to what people "Do" and not what they "Say."

Words that are so true yet I just am not able to heed its wisdom. Personally, my weakness for grizzlies leads me to be continually at risk. Just like the sea, knowing its threat and danger does not deter from being near it, in it. Take it away, I will miss it.

Out of water...

Its not easy succumbing to defeat. Like fish out of water, realising and admitting that it will drown in air are two different emotions.

There comes a time when you are no longer required. Your presence becomes a burden, your offerings merely annoyances. To be acknowledged but not accepted. Perhaps.....

If you have ever lost anything, no matter how valuable it is to you, no matter how you thought that you could not go on without it. You will. It won't be pleasant but you will move on, if you let yourself out of that rut. Based on that, we had our chances which sometimes we did not see. Too late.