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Of late, I have been labelled with words that some time back would not make sense nor be associated with. Some positive, some negative yet some which made me think and evaluate what I have done and the things that has been done to me.

From pathetic to so full of myself to the choices that I have to make. Continuously being scrutinized and judged. That's human nature I suppose. Have I changed ? Do I need to change ? I don't think so, not at this juncture. Too late for that. But it does made me more appreciative of the fact that somehow we impact others as we go through, just as others have an impact on us. In the end, we have to be answerable to what we did or did not do. No excuses. As for me, no regrets no matter how hard and painful it could sometimes be. Nothing lasts forever, be it pain or sweetness. Just remember who we are and why we exists....

Bowling

It has been so long and it shows.... ha ha ha.

May god have mercy...

You are arrogant. All this is because of your arrogance. That is what the mystic told me. Huh ?

Granted, I am the type who makes very bad first impression. Being an introvert lacking social skills does that. “I am arrogant to everyone, if anyone can’t accept that then keep - a w a y - why pretend to be a friend yet simmer in anger and go this far?”

The discovery came about because a colleague recommended that I seek alternative treatment for my legs. Perhaps they are tired of seeing me limping around the office yet manage to trundle on a mountain bike up and down hills and valleys with aplomb. The masseuse that we went to see turned out to be a middle aged unassuming guy. Not one you would associate as being someone knowledgeable in the mysterious arts of spirits and demons. He did not even let on that he is such a person. It was a day after the first session that he called and asked for an appointment. Odd, a care giver asking for an appointment with a patient when it should be the other way around. I said yes, thinking that maybe he felt that he did not do his job properly the first time. It was only after the second treatment that he told me the exact same thing that has been said by other ustazs and spiritual healers. Something that I find hard to neither accept nor believe. That it was sort of a voodoo curse put on me by someone very close, as close as my own sibling.

The main reason appears to be anger, envy and hurt because of my arrogance and ignorance. The aim seems to be so that I end up losing my mobility, ability to work and beg for help. To put me in my place. Huh ?

Therein lays my main weakness, thinking that everyone thinks just like me. Straightforward, sometimes blunt. Life is short after all and I am not one to beat around bushes. You like someone keep them close and around, if not then keep away. You like something keep it going; don’t like it, for god’s sake just say so. Yet, there are those who are not able to do that and prefer to simmer in anger, seeking vengeance instead. Perhaps for these types, it’s more fun that way.

As for me, I believe in a higher power, I leave it to him and pray for the best. If what all these people have been telling me is true, I sincerely hope that the person(s) responsible for my predicament see the light and start thinking of putting themselves in a proper place instead...

My main regret is not so much the physical pain, the cost and the time spent trying to find a cure but the fact that decades of building a relationship was gone simply because they can’t look me in the face and say “I don’t like what you have become”. At least the bridge will still be there and the door will remain open, maybe just maybe things could be worked out. Now, I am burning the bridge and closing the door.

To all my friends or whom I consider to be my friends, I beg of you, if there is something that is not right, words that may have hurt you [gods knows I have a sharp tongue...], actions or inactions that seems to be unpleasant to you. Please, please tell me. If you are uncomfortable in a face to face then email, sms or FB [woohooo finally got it], and we could work it out. In extreme cases just keep me away and I will stay away. Just don’t harbour a grudge as it will eat you alive.

There’s enough venting, now I want to go swimming...

BTW, disgusting pictures follows:


That is a 1 x 1 feet tile. Can you believe that the crap just dropped out of a six year old ? This was after many, many days of not being able to pass motion.


A dead bird on my doorstep. I love animals, cats would have shredded it but it stays that way when I found it. Coincidence ?

Another excruciating output from a little girl who does not have any health, eating or drinking disorder. Fluke of nature ?

A dead dried up lizard which was not there in the morning...


If its me you are angry with, why does the kids have to suffer ? May god forgive your transgression for I am unable to find even a speck of forgiveness, not when I have to see innocent children suffer.

The Bikes

Scooters actually.

I nearly hit a biker last night. It was dark and rainy as I waited to join the main road from a side junction. There were few cars as it was a bit late. Since it was a one way double lane main road, all I had to do was look out for cars coming from the right. Saw a couple waited till the last one passed and slowly entered the main road - it was dark and I was driving the small Viva. I had to slam on the brakes as suddenly this bike was inches away in front of my car. The biker wobble a bit, perhaps he was as surprised as I was. He slowed down and gave me the dirty look, I just raise my hand apologetically. I really did not see him, unlike my bike accident.

The thing is this, all bikers please be aware its very hard for drivers to see you on a dark rainy night especially if you follow a bigger vehicle closely. The lights from the brighter bigger vehicle will obscure the puny light from your bike. You, the biker should really look out instead of thinking or hoping that drivers will look out for you. After all if a car/lorry came into contact with a bike, which do you think will suffer more ?

Stop being an idiot and look out for yourself. I know because I ride too.

Humpty dumpty...

Broken nose and bloodied. The front of my shirt is soaked in blood. It was a miracle that I manage to keep the car on the road as we continued the journey in silence. It was not the pain but the humiliation and shock at her reaction to the news. Backhanded by my wife. Not a reaction that I was hoping for from a demure and sweet lady who has been the mother to my kids for almost two decades. Perhaps I deserve it.

A couple of years ago, a series of events and decisions led me to take another as my second wife. Life felt complete. Then last year my second union was blessed with the arrival of a daughter. Thus begin the nagging little voice deep in me to reconcile and made the situation known to all parties concerned. What better way to break the news than in a car ? No one can leave until the matter is resolved. At least that's what I thought. Never did I imagine that I would be physically beaten to a bloodied end by my wife. Yes, she is a black belt instructor, but surely getting physical is not her trait. Never in all those years that we were together.

She did not even cry. Not a tear - which was what I was expecting. All she said was, get out of the house. I did, for fear that things would get physical again and also for fear that I might lose my restraint.

It has been six months now. From a life that felt complete, it now felt like hell. I no longer have a place to truly call home. My second family is way across the sea. Even going to my mom's is no consolation. Though she no longer say anything but the look she gave is enough to pierce through my heart.

Whatever should I do ?

Not my personal experience - a friend seeking advice. Of course I laughed, then sympathy followed by "ko yang carik pasal"...

BFN 7800 - reincarnated...

Do you believe in reinCARnation ? I do, well since I saw this car being driven in Bangsar yesterday or was it two days ago ? Anyway it was declared a total loss after I rolled it over 3 times on the North South Highway back in 2002. Yet, in 2009 it is alive roaming the streets of KL.

For more pictures and the pre-reinCARnation story click here.

THINK !!!

You know, a copy of the following letter came in my inbox and I fully emphatise with it. Bottom line, instead of playing cats and dogs, can't the powers that be focus on real issues facing Malaysia now. I wonder, what have the Malaysian public done to deserve the predicament that we have now. Some of you may say - ala ko mengundi pun tidak - yes, that's because frankly I lost trust because I see that all of them are in it for the money, not really for the people. Its the connection and the concessions and the contracts that matters. The people only play the role of supporting actors especially pre-election. The smiling babies, the visit to old folks, the repair of places of worship. Sickening once you see past the "making of" whichever side it may be. Why should there be sides ? Aren't we now working for one nation ? Anyway, by chance, if there's any politician reading this prove me wrong. Show me one that's really working for the people (bar Datuk Michael Chong) and I'll show you a dozen others that's in it to be rich. Errr, maybe not, I certainly do not want to get arrested.

Just read the letter...

Dear Malaysian Politicians,

Please stop the power chase, call for a truce and focus on the economy.

I do not claim to speak on behalf of all Malaysians, but I have strong convictions that many share my sentiments.

Our concern today is not who rules the country or heads the state governments but the looming bad economy.

Whether Barisan Nasional or Pakatan Rakyat leads, it is meaningless if Malaysians have no job to go to, no money to pay rent and no means to put food on the table.

I am a business owner, like other business owners and managers of corporations I have a responsibility to ensure people under my care and payroll continue to have jobs and a decent income to take home. We work hard and willing to go the extra mile to make sure our nation not only survive this crisis but come out stronger and wiser. We need your help.

Let me explain. I am in the business of Training, Development and Consultancy and have 20 people in my team.

Saedah is 42. She keeps the office clean and helps organise the training rooms. She has four children and her husband is unemployed. She was first hired on a part time basis, because she is very hard working and has a great attitude, we offered her a full time job to help provide a stable income for her family. Even then, when her third child started school this year, it was a struggle for her to buy new school uniforms and other necessities. Saedah lives on a ‘kais bulan, makan bulan’ basis, so, if she is jobless, her tap runs dry.

Samsuri is 27 years old. He lives with his sister and her family in a low cost government flat in Sunway. He does our despatch, helps with various clerical works and occasionally acts as a driver. During the first week at zubedy, we learned that he not only did not have money to buy new clothes and shoes for work, he had no money for lunch. Like Saedah, if he has no job, his tap runs dry too.

Alicia in Client Servicing turns 26 this year. She lives with her dad who is 71 years old and retired. Her mom passed away when she was little. Alicia is a hard-working team member, has a gentle caring outlook and fun to be with. (We like to poke fun at her as she blushes easily). Last May her dad went through a major operation, thank God he has recovered well. Alicia needs a job, both for herself and her dad.

Sudesh, 38, is one of our facilitators. When his father passed away last year, he moved back and lives with his mother in Seremban. He shuttles between Kuala Lumpur and Seremban daily, leaving home sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and returning late at night. He is no stranger to hard work and sacrifice, he knows what he needs to do to survive and to care for his mother, but he too needs a job.

Like fellow Malaysians, every one of us in zubedy needs employment, those that live from hand to mouth like Saedah and Samsuri and others like Alicia and Sudesh with family to care for. We Malaysians need the Malaysian economy to be strong. We need you, our leaders, to work hard and to work together to make our economy viable.

So this is my plea.

Pakatan Rakyat, please stop your attempts to take over the federal government and persuade BN’s lawmakers to join you. Stop all legal proceedings, no more 916 and let go, just let go. The nation can wait till the next general elections if they want change. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and gracious and give you their support in the next elections.

Barisan Nasional, please stop any attempts to take over PR states and win over PR’s lawmakers. You have proven your point with Perak. The nation can wait for the next general elections if they want your party. Focus all your talent, energy and hard work in steering the country out of an economic downturn. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and smart and give you their support in the next elections.

BN and PR! Call for a truce. Get together and compromise. Someone has to give in. Or has hate consumed your heart till it blinds you? You can do it. You have enough intelligent people between you. I am sure you can find solutions. Take the nation to heart. That is why you are in politics in the first place.

Focus on the people.

Focus on the economy.

Anas Zubedy
Managing Director
Zubedy (M) Sdn Bhd

Mak

Received a call this morning from my brother. Mak wants to know if I am coming over today. For the umpteenth time, Mak calls and asked if I can drop by for a bite. If I can then she will prepare something for me. And for the umpteenth time I am unable to come. I feel bad, really bad. Pity the poor old lady, pining for the company of a son who is so near yet so far. I now know how that feels but situation dictates that her heart be broken again.

I am at fault. Yes, and I will remedy this.

Burgled again.

My previous post on this topic entails the house broken into by burglars prying the back door grill. That was then reinforced. This time they pried the window grill, took out the dish drying rack and climbed in over the sink. Bastards.

It was the eve of Thaipusam. I was late at the office. There were a ton of things that needs to get done. Manage to leave after nine, picked up the family and headed home. Only home has been violated. It could have happened that they were still in the house when I opened the gates as they only manage to rummage through the middle room and only looks as if they were about to start in the main room. At least there were no confrontation and the family is safe.

They took my princess's bag, watches, some cash, rings, my Swiss army knife and perhaps some other small items. Unlike last time, I did not bother making a police report. I just am not up to waiting for hours to get it done. The last episode was unpleasant enough. I do have to say that my landlord has been superb in his support and speedy remedy to the damaged property.

Do take care and turn on the lights, at least...

Got the time....

...but not the words nor the pictures to post up here. So much going on, so much to ponder yet so little time to translate it all from mere thoughts to words.

May the new year be a better one for all of us.

Call me...

That's what most will say but never do...

A woman's scorn

I received a disturbing phone call early this morning. A cry for help and desperate need to share her troubles. It came from Sim, a character whose story I posted some time back. I thought that after all this time, things would have settled somewhat. I was wrong.

He has another woman, an Indonesian whom he showers with money. I can't keep this to myself anymore. Please help me.

Huh ?

That old bastard is two timing me. I thought he is just getting bored with our lives but no, he is enjoying his other life. He ignores us, ignores his daughters, seldom comes back. We are reaching our twilight years. We have shared so much together. This should not be happening. When he didn't visit me in hospital I thought he was busy, when he didn't join the kenduri, I thought he was busy. It was with that bitch. What should I do ?

Come on, we have talked about this before. At this age, with his looks, do you still want him ?

He is mine. How can I let it go just like that ? He ignores us and now he only gives me RM20 per day for expenses. Why should I suffer like this ?

I don't know what to think or say, just seek solace from god.

Please find someone (witch doctor) who can help me. Just destroy them. If I am to suffer then he should too. Please, I have my savings. Use that, just help me to find someone who can do this for me.

Hmmm.

She was crying at certain parts of the conversation. I could feel her pain and desperation but what can I do ? Even if I could, I don't think I would like to be involved. I am just an observer and Sim is just paying for her deeds. I still fail to understand why she still wants him. Why keep something that you already despise, that bring hurts and pain whenever in sight ? Would it not be easier to just let go and get on with whatever life she has left ? I have told her this, but my words seems to be hitting a brick wall.

Please, don't tell me about feelings, its only so much that feelings could fulfill. It won't stave your hunger would it ?

MAS being crappy

There is definitely something wrong with our "PREMIER AIRLINE". On the way in, my flight was delayed for half an hour. Acceptable. Yesterday, a colleague who is supposed to fly in before noon arrived at 8PM. We thought it was his bad luck and laughed at his predicament.

I am not laughing now. My flight is delayed from 2055 to 2200 to 2245 as I type this. Come on, you operational guys being angry at your management, please don't take it out on your clients.

Finally got home at 0200hrs. At least the services by the flight crew is still top notch and I got my peanuts. Sighhh, this situation is really not good for MAS or the nation. To make it worst, a lot of participants at the International Rainforest's Music is affected.

Durian & City Boys

The city boy hacking the durian to death trying to get to the flesh. The tantalising aroma taunting him to try with all his might to get to it. The king of fruit refuses to yield, protecting his flesh in thorny skins and stubborn fibres. Amazingly, the city boy did not get hurt.

Ahhh, the old auntie with her scrawny hands came to the rescue, city boy finally gets to enjoy the creamy, sweet, slightly bitter taste from the king of fruits. It was worth it. Each tree bear fruits with differing taste and texture. Definitely not like your RM10 per packet from the hypermarket.

Real Poetry

First and foremost I hope that Abang Malaya and Kak Teh do not mind that I am doing a bit of cut and paste on the latest poem posted on her blog. It touches me so deeply and illustrates so well how I felt about Malaysia now. Its in Malay, apologies to those who does not understand the language but fret not, the exact sentiments is expressed by my nephew in the photo taken way back in 2003. Abang Malaya, whoever you are, I love your work and thank you for beautifully penning how I (and countless others...) feel about this country of ours.

abang malaya said...

Usah mengeluh wahai adikku

Hidup insan berlorong liku

Mohon saja pada Yang Satu

Pasti hidupmu mendapat restu.

Abang Malaya sangatlah murung

Rasa duka tidak terbendung

Mengenang nasib negara yang disanjung

Pelbagai berlaku tidaklah tertanggung.

Cerita terbaru tentang universiti Malaya

Tapaknya hendak dijual kepada yang kaya

Quek Leng Chan itulah namanya

Hendak dibuat projek raksasa.

Kalau betullah cerita ini

Hilanglah maruah satu negeri

Kerajaan nampaknya tak lagi peduli

Asal ada duit semua boleh jadi.

Abang bukan budak Universiti Malaya

Cuba nak masuk tapi tak diterima

Tapi abang tetap kasih dan cinta

Sebab UM itu ikon bangsa-negara.

Apa dah jadi abang tak tahu

Negara kita semakin celaru

PM hadhari dapat isteri baru

Rakyat jelata duk tungkat dagu.

Kalau diikut rasa hati

Abang Malaya pun rasa nak lari

Ikut adik Teh ke luar negeri

Hal Malaya tak mau ambil peduli.

Tapi abang ni dah tua

Dok di negeri orang nak buat

Depa pun bukan mau nak terima

Takut mati susah pula.

Tolonglah adik nasihat Pak Lah tu

Adik ada kuasa orang TV dan radio

Tolong bagi dia tahu

Rakyat la ni sangatlah keliru.

Dah banyak harta kita dia juai

Maruah negara pun dah tergadai

Orang dok buat kita macam keldai

Pasai kita perintah negeri tak pandai.

Janganlah marah kat Abang Malaya

Kepada Adik Teh curahkan rasa

Pasai tak tau dah nak pi mana

Hidup di Malaya la ni sangat merana.

Abang Malaya minta berhenti dulu

Dekat adik abang ingat selalu

Kepada yang lain pun macam tu

I'll always love all of you.

Broken

My watch strap is broken as result of the impact of the accident this morning. The details is on my review site. What is planned as a review of the bike turns out to be something else. Sighhhh, the plans of mice and men...

Vista Test 3.

Testing blogging in Vista without BitDefender firewall.

OK manage to post but typing is laggy. Lets see if this held out. Err, MS (the photo) has nothing to do with this issue. Its just that his photo resides in my PC.

If this test works then it confirms that BitDefender firewall, or for that matter any firewalls other than Windows own will screw up your surfing experience.

After disabling BitDefender firewall, am able to blog but as mentioned earlier, typing is a chore. The machine seems unable to follow i.e. the words took a few seconds to appear with some letters missing at random. Tried to use FireFox instead but unable to load. So, still not as smooth as XP.

Jangan pandang belakang...

Could not resist. Picture credit goes to msportbike.com.

IE7 failed again - unable to connect. Now trying Firefox which has to be uninstalled, shut down, restart and reinstalled. Appears to work this time. Typing in FireFox is a bit better than IE7 but not as smooth as in XP. Now lets see if this holds up.

I also learned that Vista Business can be downgraded to XP Pro but will involve a lot of hassle to reactivate by phone etc. Am tempted but does not have the time to do that yet.

17-05-07

Am really getting tired of this Vista business. It slows down a PC which would otherwise be flying if it was with XP. A task like blogging is dodgy. Typing in scripted windows is laggy. Even starting MS Office is nerve wrecking as the "program not responding" appears - leave it alone and it will start a few minutes later. I fail to see any positive point other than its cosmetic presentation. I have contacted Sony asking if it can be downgraded to XP pro and if all the drivers will be available. I expect the answer to be no. My advice for now is DO NOT get vista. If you absolutely must get a new PC make sure it is XP based. Unless if you enjoy tweaking buggy OS (I don't - I thought it was already stable), wait a few years for it to truly be usable.

18-05-07

Thank for your email to Sony Malaysia.

Regarding your inquiry, please be informed that Sony does not have any XP driver for this model and we does not support or give any guarantee for operating system other than the pre-installed one. For this reason, Sony does not recommend the use of other OS on VAIO and Sony does not guarantee that applications (bundled with the original operating system) are compatible with other operating system. Sony only provides support for VAIO computers using the default operating system as shipped from the factory. We are sorry that we are unable to assist you on this matter.

For any further assistance you may require, please do not hesitate to contact Sony Customer Contact Centre at 1-300-88-1233, or revert to us via e-mail.

Sighhhh, stuck with Vista and hopes that MS sorts out all these bugs soon.

19-05-07

Put IE7 in program exceptions for windows firewall. typing becomes better, as it should be, no more laggy. Post new pictures... Spell check OK.

20-05-07

I think its finally sorted. The solution was to make an exception for IE7 in Windows Firewall list. Since I manage to post the MyStream pictures and text, spell check and editing it appears to be as stable as on XP. So, JT, you may go and get that new notebook now. I recommend the Sony Vaio SZ 48 GN with dual core processor and the whole works. Just upgrade the ram to 2GB....

Waiting and Deciding.

One of my biggest peeves, waiting. Made worse by the fact that in some situations, you don't even know what you are waiting for. You do have a rough idea like in the case of the taxi driver, but will the wait be worth it or will it be a terrible passenger...

Sometimes, you do not want to wait but events leads you to consciously decide to wait for some other event that may lead to change which you hope will be better.


Sorry, just rambling. The path is in sight, do I wait or go ahead ?

From Auntie Kodok and BlogThings. Interesting !!!

You Were a Fox

A good observer, you often watch others while remaining unseen. Cunning and courageous, you also have a gentle side.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Blogging from Word 2007

Testing a new feature that I discovered as I explored the product guide last night. If this works then at least there will be more option for me to post text. Pictures will have to be done manually as I still can't do it in Word.

Hmmm, seems to work. Posted pictures in Blogger itself. OK, lets see if this holds for the next few posts.

Vista Woes 3.

Am testing this post after clearing cache and cookies if FireFox. Spellchecking is fine. It still has not lost connection. Is this really going to work ?

Edit and post pictures OK ?

2257hrs. 20/04/07
Editing. Posting pictures.

Seems OK. Connection remains ?

What made it work:

1. Use FireFox;
2. Clear cache and cookies;
3. Reboot and continue blogging;
4. Antivirus and firewalls on.

Hopefully the woes is over.

1751hrs. 21/04/07
NOPE. Still not working. Yesterday was a fluke...

1759hrs. 21/04/07
Manage to edit post. Now I am almost certain that either Vista or blogger is possessed. Nothing is consistent. Lucky if I can publish otherwise Blogger says unable to return request or something. Am trying this in IE7 now. Strangely, FireFox can't display www.mima.gov.my ?