You are arrogant. All this is because of your arrogance. That is what the mystic told me. Huh ?
Granted, I am the type who makes very bad first impression. Being an introvert lacking social skills does that. “I am arrogant to everyone, if anyone can’t accept that then keep - a w a y - why pretend to be a friend yet simmer in anger and go this far?”
The discovery came about because a colleague recommended that I seek alternative treatment for my legs. Perhaps they are tired of seeing me limping around the office yet manage to trundle on a mountain bike up and down hills and valleys with aplomb. The masseuse that we went to see turned out to be a middle aged unassuming guy. Not one you would associate as being someone knowledgeable in the mysterious arts of spirits and demons. He did not even let on that he is such a person. It was a day after the first session that he called and asked for an appointment. Odd, a care giver asking for an appointment with a patient when it should be the other way around. I said yes, thinking that maybe he felt that he did not do his job properly the first time. It was only after the second treatment that he told me the exact same thing that has been said by other ustazs and spiritual healers. Something that I find hard to neither accept nor believe. That it was sort of a voodoo curse put on me by someone very close, as close as my own sibling.
The main reason appears to be anger, envy and hurt because of my arrogance and ignorance. The aim seems to be so that I end up losing my mobility, ability to work and beg for help. To put me in my place. Huh ?
Therein lays my main weakness, thinking that everyone thinks just like me. Straightforward, sometimes blunt. Life is short after all and I am not one to beat around bushes. You like someone keep them close and around, if not then keep away. You like something keep it going; don’t like it, for god’s sake just say so. Yet, there are those who are not able to do that and prefer to simmer in anger, seeking vengeance instead. Perhaps for these types, it’s more fun that way.
As for me, I believe in a higher power, I leave it to him and pray for the best. If what all these people have been telling me is true, I sincerely hope that the person(s) responsible for my predicament see the light and start thinking of putting themselves in a proper place instead...
My main regret is not so much the physical pain, the cost and the time spent trying to find a cure but the fact that decades of building a relationship was gone simply because they can’t look me in the face and say “I don’t like what you have become”. At least the bridge will still be there and the door will remain open, maybe just maybe things could be worked out. Now, I am burning the bridge and closing the door.
To all my friends or whom I consider to be my friends, I beg of you, if there is something that is not right, words that may have hurt you [gods knows I have a sharp tongue...], actions or inactions that seems to be unpleasant to you. Please, please tell me. If you are uncomfortable in a face to face then email, sms or FB [woohooo finally got it], and we could work it out. In extreme cases just keep me away and I will stay away. Just don’t harbour a grudge as it will eat you alive.
There’s enough venting, now I want to go swimming...
BTW, disgusting pictures follows:
That is a 1 x 1 feet tile. Can you believe that the crap just dropped out of a six year old ? This was after many, many days of not being able to pass motion.
A dead bird on my doorstep. I love animals, cats would have shredded it but it stays that way when I found it. Coincidence ?
Another excruciating output from a little girl who does not have any health, eating or drinking disorder. Fluke of nature ?
A dead dried up lizard which was not there in the morning...
If its me you are angry with, why does the kids have to suffer ? May god forgive your transgression for I am unable to find even a speck of forgiveness, not when I have to see innocent children suffer.
Read this somewhere -
Its not easy succumbing to defeat. Like fish out of water, realising and admitting that it will drown in air are two different emotions.
One of my recent favorite things, an orchestra of giant umbrellas. Transform. An amazing feat of engineering and technology linked to religion and spirituality. Alhamdulillah, I was blessed to have the opportunity to spend the first third of Ramadan in the holy land, the first day in Madinah and the rest in Mekah. The second half in Kuala Terengganu, a place which now seems to be for solitude, work and play. The final part was spent at home with my kids and family. Which led to a most unusual raya for me. That's another story.
Ya Allah,
A little voice said to me, its time for you to go. Are you ready ? And I said "Is anyone ever ready ? No, I am not. My mother is still grieving over a lost child. Please spare her the agony."
Even after a long grueling off road ride sleep did not come easily as it should. It came in fits, tossing and turning. At 0315hrs. the Nokia sang its tune. My heart sank. Calls in the wee hours is never good.
Trundling along on two wheels in a peloton is the norm but if you look deeper it really is about being individualistic. We may be heading to the same spot yet our destinations will be diverse. You, your bike and the surroundings. Bliss on a different level.
Incubated and hatched under watch. Sadly, because of that chances are high that they will be all females as they require fluctuations in temperatures and ambient atmosphere for males to develop. Perhaps Abe Nizam can help be the male of the species heh heh
You are arrogant. All this is because of your arrogance. That is what the mystic told me. Huh ?
Another excruciating output from a little girl who does not have any health, eating or drinking disorder. Fluke of nature ?
A dead dried up lizard which was not there in the morning...
I received this in my inbox this morning:
The moon, I have always been fascinated by its cool soothing presence. Believe it or not it does affect our mood. Humans contain about or more than 70% fluid. Even the tides of the oceans abide by the pull of the moon, what more mere mortals like us. This is where science and mysticism entwine. Werewolves howling at the full moon. The tide within the human body abiding by the gravity of the full moon unconsciously affecting our thoughts and feelings.
Scooters actually.
Broken nose and bloodied. The front of my shirt is soaked in blood. It was a miracle that I manage to keep the car on the road as we continued the journey in silence. It was not the pain but the humiliation and shock at her reaction to the news. Backhanded by my wife. Not a reaction that I was hoping for from a demure and sweet lady who has been the mother to my kids for almost two decades. Perhaps I deserve it.
A place worth visiting if only to see the atrocities of war. Next to a quote "every humans right to freedom bla bla bla" hangs a picture of two boys by a padi field, the elder protecting the younger. Both shot to death. A group of women and children with horrified looks on their faces just before being killed en-masse. Naked men bound by their feet and dragged to death by the war machines. I supposed when they say "human" it means human like them not human like us - if that term could be used to describe "us".
A picture is really worth more than a thousand words.
