Tuesday, February 27, 2007


Actually Mat Salo's recent posting on his relationship with his dad, Doc's comments and Ancient Mariners advice inspired me to examine my relationship with my father. Haven't seen him in quite some time though he is only 20km away. Well, he is still working and only comes home once every two days. That and the fact that I visited my mom perhaps once in a forthnight (if I am not travelling); on a weekend; is perhaps the leading cause of us not meeting. Even when we do, its sort of like the meeting of the cavemen. We just grunt at each other. No such thing as a heart to heart. Can't even remember the last time we actually talked about anything.

We don't seem to speak the same language. Why is that ? Its actually getting worst now. My mom is not well. She is staying with my sister way up in Semenyih. This leave me no reason to visit the old house, hence no chance to meet my father. By right I should do the filial duty thing and make sure that he is well, have food to eat and cloth to wear. Somehow, I just can't bring myself to do that. Not out of meaness but I know that he is doing OK on his own and that my presence or checking up on him will only be an intrusion to his world. I pacify myself further with the fact my younger brother is there to keep an eye on him. They are both grown men who could fend for themselves.

What if I was in his shoes ? Will I expect my son to call on me ? Based on our relationship (me and my son), yes, not all the time, but yes. Ironic or selfish ?


Mat Salo said...

I think Pandi it's the way we were brought up - like me I spent my formative years not with Abah(dia keje dlm estate) but with my grand-parents in Lenggeng. Pastu secondary dah masuk hostel, pastu uni pi obersea...so bila nak dapat close nya? So let's not repeat this sitiuation... make yr kids yr friends (to a limit lah!)And do what we can while our parents are alive, so we can live a life of no regrets.. Insya'Allah.

Michael said...

All well brought up children think of the parents especially when they are going to be senior citizens. I have a very good relationship with my papa as we eat, drink, joke etc together. Guess it is how the parents "mingle" with their children during their early years like mat salo said.

The Ancient Mariner said...

I believe they now call it 'quality time'. The duration is not important but what is said and done even in a few minutes.

We men are notorious for seeming unfeeling and unresponsive when it comes to displays of affection and uttering words of endearment.

Its never too late. Go give him a warm hug the next time and the words will come.

Jamal said...

Another thing....Malays are just like that. We are not the expressive kind of people....at least our generation & the generations before us. We keep it to our selves but I believe that we do care our parents. We do love them. It is just not the way we usually see in the TV, like what westerners do.

den said...

i totally agreed with wat doc said cos this happen to any races in Mesia, u know jantan kind of warm inside out, exterior mcm kerbau!!!
do it or rather express it(tak yah lah extreme sgt) since u still hv the chance now, dun lah like gua regretted for whole life cos he left us for sedozen yrs oledi

infact i'm still learning to be passion(means more talk la) with my mom for last few months....kind of tough of for ppl like "US"