Monday, April 16, 2007
Queen - losing - Control.
I was acquainted with Ron in secondary school. We were school mates from different classes but joined common clubs and societies. One of these was the Bahasa Malaysia club where plays were among the most popular activities. Ron with his good looks always get to play the leading part, goes with his personality which made him popular among the opposite sex. Me, being pimply and skinny took the role of spear bearer (pak pacak) and such. One the most memorable to me was being one of a pack of Jinns. Of course our characters were killed off by the hero, Ron. It was fun, especially the shows that we put up at the orphanages and shelters. It felt good seeing the kids and old folks smile and escape a little into our charade.
Ron and I remained friends until the end of primary school which saw us parting ways. He joined a bank while I went to sea. But this story is not about Ron, it is about his elder brother Roy who became a much closer friend.
Roy is a soft spoken guy. We met while doing mandatory modular courses. We did not immediately click because he is not comfortable with my character. This I know because one day I overheard him talking to another friend behind the flimsy door of our dorms. The friend asked why I was not invited to some do or something and Roy responded that he is not used to someone who is as direct and often vulgar as me. He doesn’t fit the common seafarers mould as he is the prim and proper type which is a real contrast if compared to me. Knowing this, I tend to steer away from him and activities involving him. Somehow, perhaps once he managed to see through and accepted my wild and vulgar ways, we became closer friends. We were both from Kuala Lumpur, so it is practical and made sense for us to travel to and fro together. We knew each other’s family and are accepted as one whenever we are at either’s home. We even swapped shirts. Thinking back, there is this one particular shirt that he never allowed me to have, no matter how I begged and negotiated. Anyway, that is not the focus of this story either.
Roy is the flirty type. Always looking for the girls to hook up with. Until he met Bee. With Bee, it became different. He tamed himself and their relationship developed to marriage. Bee, aware of his flirty days always tried to keep things in check so much so that his every movement and behaviour is controlled and questioned. I remember once, we came back from ALAM and Bee was waiting for us in Puduraya, the infamous bus terminal which in these days I am trying to avoid like the plague. On that particular trip home, Roy was so excited because he had just permed his hair. It was de rigour back then to sport fine curly hair. Jeez, how stupid and awful youth could be.
Roy was sporting his new hair and his big crocodile smile, which I suspect is in the hope of impressing Bee. Sadly, instead of a squeal of delight Bee responded with disgust. A barrage of question came forth. She was embarrassed that her fiancee has hair like a male prostitute and demanded that he rectify that there and then. And he did. He just hung his head low and followed Bee into the nearest hair dresser, in Puduraya itself. I just laughed and left them to it. From that day onwards, the control became tighter. Everything has to go through her for approval. Until they had four child and a house of their own.
Recently, I met him at a dinner where he introduced his wife to me. It is definitely not Bee. Turns out he got married to a pretty lady much younger than him. I did not yet manage to get the story on how that came to be but more surprisingly is that rumour has it that a third wife is now in the pipeline.
So, to those who likes to think that they are in control, just because someone follows your every whim and fancies, whom you think is besotted with you and under your spell, may just do something as drastic as looking for comfort and freedom elsewhere. What I learned is that the more you try to control something the harder will be its struggle to be set free. Another observation is that it is people who are insecure that tend to be the control freak. These are people to whom the word "TRUST" will have to come with justification and explanation.